Survivors

Dear Minnow,
            I just realize how pathetic my last post sounded.The world is not all bad baby girl, life without you is hard, but there is still good happening in my life. Sometimes I get on here to talk to you and it feels like my pain pours out and I forget all about the times I smiled today or every time I laughed. Over the weekend for instance, your grandmother got me so wasted! Your daddy and cousins apparently thought it was hysterical :-) I have to admit that it was nice to just let loose for a night. Brennan hunny, your life and your death have brought me so much closer not only to your father but to the other women in this world who carry the same scar and the same tiny footsteps on their hearts that I do now. Today I went to the dermatologist and I guess when the nurse heard that I was taking prenatal vitamins she thought I was pregnant because the doctor came in and congratulated me on being pregnant. Needless to say I started crying and explained that we lost you last month. She held me and then told me that she knew exactly what I was going through, she lost a baby at 20 weeks last year due to a chromosome disorder. This world is sadly full of strong, scarred women like your mama baby girl. It is hard not to think of us as survivors but we are. We may not get to wear big pink ribbons or proudly march together in the streets but we are just as strong and just as much survivors because to go on living after loosing such a huge part of yourself, really after loosing something greater than yourself, you have to be strong. I love you my minnow and I promise I will try not to drown in this sea of tears. I love you Brennan.
        Love,
       Mommy