Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Blankets

Dear Minnow,
      Things have been so busy here baby girl. I am happy that the school year is winding to an end but there is so much planning to do before camp begins! This week I am on a mission to finish your baby blanket before what would have been your due date which is this Friday. I am trying to think of it as a bonding and letting go expirience, I hope someday I will be able to give this blanket to your little brother or sister as a gift from you. I promise to tell them all about you and how you are still very much a part of our family. I am falling behind on the blanket though, I meant to take it up to the lodge with me over Memorial Day weekend but your Daddy forgot my entire suitcase at home!! It was pretty funny, I managed to pick up a few essentials at Walmart but had to go the whole weekend with only one shirt and a pair of oversized shorts! Your Dad and I still managed to have a wonderful time. It was a beautiful weekend. I really wish you could have seen the lodge little one. Your Daddy and I had our wedding there. It is right on a beautiful lake and every evening we take a boat ride with the family. I miss you so much my minnow. Know that nothing could every replace you. Mommy loves you with all her heart.
        Love always,
           Mommy

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Mother's Day

Dear Minnow,
      When I was growing up we used to bring my mom breakfast in bed every Mother's day. We would make her eggs, pancakes and cereal and serve it on tv tray along with wild flowers we had picked and whatever craft we had managed to make for her (a popcicle stick picture frame, pressed flower bookmark ext.). And every year your Papa would give her a bottle of her favorite perfume, Charlie. I knew this Mother's day would be hard. This was my first Mother's day as a mother. I obviously didn't expect the same treatment as my own mother, after all  I have no children here on earth, but I guess I just never expected someone to question my motherhood for that reason. Your daddy did everything he could to make the day special for me, he gave me a sweet card and a gift certificate to get a mani-pedi. Everything was okay until dinner when someone told me that you my little one were just the hope of a child and not an actual person. I was so hurt and angry. How could anyone say that? I know that I am the only one who truly knew you, I carried you for 21 weeks, I knew you Brennan. How could they say you were not a person though? You had fingers and toes, if you had survived for two more weeks they would have induced me. It hurt so badly to have a family member not recognize your little life. You will always be our first born, my mother's first grandchild, you will always be a member of our family baby girl. Your daddy and I will love you forever and no matter what anyone thinks I am and will always be your mother. I love you my minnow.
                Love always,
            Fish

Sunday, May 1, 2011

International Baby Loss Mother's Day

Dear Minnow,
      Hi baby girl. I am so sorry haven't written you in a while, the last of the shows I have been working on went up this weekend so I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I have never had so much fun directing a show before though. I have was very lucky to have such a wonderful and hard working cast! I am however relieved that things have calmed down, just in time for international baby loss mother's day which is today. I've been thinking about you all day today little one and I know that your watching over us. Your daddy and I had a nice relaxing day. We slept in late then ran errands together. I got a much needed haircut (just a nice trim with some cute new side swept bangs) and your daddy bought lots of junk at target lol. Whenever I take your daddy shopping with me we always come home with stuff I never even knew we needed :-). Your auntie Kai and uncle Ian are coming to visit pretty soon! We are all walking in your memory for The March of Dimes. I'm not sure why the ticker at the top of my blog won't link up to my account, it says no one has sponsored me when I have actually exceeded my goal lol. We have some pretty amazing friends who made donation in your memory baby girl. I love you with all my heart my little minnow. I will always be your mommy.
            Love always,
        Fish