Love Is There

Dear Minnow,
      Last night your daddy and I went to a concert with friends of ours. The band was great but we both really liked the opening act, a singer/song writer names Grace Pettis. She sang this one song called Love if There and it reminded me of you little one. One of the lyrics said "with a mother and her stillborn, love is there" and it made me cry. I know it is hard for some people to understand how I or anyone could be so broken after loosing a child we never got a chance to hold, but I hold such a deep love for you Brennan, deeper than any bond I have ever felt. I think that song sums it up. Life has become such a struggle baby girl, every now and then I will have a good day or a good moment and I know that there will be more good days eventually it is just hard to hold on to that. I had a therapy appointment today, it was the first session when I was completely honest about how I have been feeling. I guess I am so used to putting on my strong face for everyone that I even pretended everything was okay with the people that were trying to help me. My therapist diagnosed me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She said I will always have flash backs and will always have days where all I can think about is how I would do anything to be able to hold you in my arms but that the hurt will get duller and the bad days will be farther between. Things will get better in time. I just have to keep going. I love you my little minnow, with all my heart.
                          Love,
                      Mommy