Irene

Dear Minnow,
      What a week it has been. I should really start by telling you about the events of the week before last, there was an earthquake! It was just a few days before our big move to Maryland so thankfully your Daddy was home packing with me. I was sitting on the couch checking my email when I started to hear and feel rumbling. It started pretty softly, I thought it was your Dad moving furniture around upstairs so I wasn't worried but then the whole townhouse began to shake violently. Your Dad ran down the stairs and pulled me into the door way (apparently that is what you are supposed to do during an earthquake). He started laughing and said we're having an earthquake, I was so scared I through my arms around him and told him in not so nice words that he was crazy, Virginia doesn't get earthquakes. After a few minutes it stopped and we joined the neighbors outside in what the hell just happened discussions. And of course to top it all off, Wrigley had freaked out and ended up missing for hours before Daddy found him stuck behind the basement stairs in the crawl space and got him out. This past weekend just after our big move we were hit with hurricane Irene. Your Daddy and Grandma didn't want to listen to me about how to prepare for the storm. I happen to be an old pro at hurricanes, I did grow up in Rhode Island after all and have been through some big ones especially Bob. They insisted that we wouldn't get hit and for a while I thought she was right. We didn't bother to fill the bathtub with water or to get the flashlights out, I did convince them to bring in the lawn furniture though lol. When the storm hit we couldn't hear the wind at all from inside our new big house so we thought we weren't getting the storm. Then the power went out, thank goodness someone had stunk up the bathroom so I had lit two glad candles in the family room lol. We used them to find flashlights and more candles then went to bed. When we woke up we still didn't have power and realized that the big tree in our new backyard had completely been up rooted and lots of trees and branches were down in the neighborhood! We all slept through it baby girl! I had been up my usual 5 times that night to pee (your little sister likes to kick me through the night, especially my bladder) and hadn't heard the wind at all through the walls or windows! I was so thankful that we were all safe and just without power for a day and a half. I guess they will listen to me next time about how to prepare for a storm lol. I miss you little one. I am so thankful for every kick I feel from your little sister, please watch over the guppy. I love you my minnow.
                Love always,
                  Fish

Emotional

Dear Minnow,
        I'm sorry it has been so long since I last wrote you. Things have been very busy here, which I know I pretty much say at the start of every letter. Things have been awfully busy but I the truth is that I have been so emotional lately that every time I start to write you I cry. I am almost 23 weeks along with your little sister, you passed away when I was 21 weeks pregnant so what I am going through now is scary and new. I feel like I am mourning never having had the chance to reach these mile stones with you minnow. I feel her kicking me a lot now, she even kicked your daddy's cheek this morning when he laid his head on my belly. I wish I could have felt you kick little one. Maura's nursery is painted and her furniture is all picked out and yet I am so scared that I will never bring home a living baby. I miss you Brennan. Your daddy and I are moving tomorrow so I have to run and finish packing but I love you with all of my heart. Please keep your sister safe.
                 Love always,
           Mommy

:-)

Dear Minnow,
          Things went really well at your little sister's ultrasound today. Mommy was so worried. Thank goodness for our wonderfully understanding doctors! Dr. Stern at Genetics and IVF who did all of your scans and your genetic testing offered to do the guppy's 20 week scan. He and Mary our genetic counselor have just been so kind and helpful. As usual I began to hyperventilate as soon as we entered the exam room, it was the same room where we first found out that you weren't going to make it. A normal doctor would have ignored my hyperventilating or the fact that I couldn't help but cry and frantically ask questions during most of the ultrasound. There are too many doctors out there that just don't have the patience or compassion to deal with overly emotional, worried baby loss mamas like me. Dr. Stern and our wonderful midwife Resa Respoli are different. They care. No matter how idiotic my constant questions are or how may times I enter their office in tears they always take the time to explain things to me and make me feel human, they even remember your name little one and use it when we talk about you! That is caring. :-). The scan today showed that your little sister is healthy and growing normally. There are no signs of the chromosome disorder that took you from us minnow. I am so thankful to God! I just pray that God continues to keep her growing safely and that Maura will join your daddy and I in December. I wish you could be here with us little one. I promise your little sister will know what strong and beautiful soul her big sister was. I love you with all my heart Brennan.
                           Love always,
                                Fish

Nerves

Dear Minnow,
    I am waiting for your daddy to be done getting dressed so we can leave for Maura's level II sono. I think I might vomit I am so scared. I love you baby.

                    love always,
                       Mommy

Dressing Up

Dear Minnow,

  Just thought I'd show you a quite picture from this week. It was storybook day at camp so the guppy and I went as Thing 1 and Thing 2.This week I also found the cutest fabric for your sister's nursery. I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to find a store that still carried it but a very nice fellow blogger pointed me in the right direction. I want to make sure you are a part of Maura's life little one, one way I am doing that is through using this fabric for the nursery, it is a pale pink with little mermaids on it. I am also going to try to find a wooden mermaid wall hanging too. Your my little mermaid baby Brennan and your sister and I love you so much. You are always with me minnow. I love you and miss you always.
         Love,
        Mommy