Dear Minnow,
Today is the first day of my Third Trimester with the guppy!!! I want to jump up and down and celebrate but at the same time I have to be honest....I'm still scared sh*t-less that I will loose her. I am going to try to ignore the fear ( for tonight at least) and celebrate by giving in to the first craving I have had in months, home made chili, corn bread and maybe frozen custard with jimmies for desert :-). I love you little one with all my heart.
Love always,
Fish
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Time Passes
Dear Minnow,
I feel guilty today little one. Lately I have really been enjoying being pregnant. As sore and huge as I feel at times I am just so grateful for every moment of it and although I sometimes burst into tears because I have run out of tank tops that fit over my belly and mother nature refuses to let it get cold so I can wear the cute autumn and winter hand me downs from Ruth, Adrianne and Melanie, despite that I still think my big round belly is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I'm happy minnow, and then I realized, exactly one year ago today I found out I was pregnant for the first time, I found out I was pregnant with you Brennan. Today is my mother's birthday and last year I went to the free clinic first thing in the morning after taking a positive at home test and had them run a test, I wanted to be extra certain I was pregnant that day so I could call and tell my mom. She was so happy she cried. I just keep telling myself that you want your daddy and I to be happy. Just because we are happy doesn't mean we have left you behind in any way, we carry you with us always baby girl, you'll always be our first and we will always love you! :-) In other news, I am happy to tell you that all that carb loading paid off! After three icky hours of sitting in a strange waiting room, hunched over the chairs, trying not to barf hot pink glucose punch, I grateful to say that I am gestational diabetes free!! :-). I know having gestational diabetes isn't the end of the world but mommy has quite the sweet tooth lol. Your daddy has been on a mission the past few weeks to get your little sister the perfect crib. It has been quite a battle with our local Babies R' Us! First they told us we could order it and it would be in in 4 weeks, we were going to wait to order it (the thought of ordering it kind of scared me), then we went in and they told us again we could order it and it would be in in 4 weeks but that they were having a buy back sale and if we brought in an old baby item we would get 25% off the crib so we went home and came back the next day with an old swing so we could order it with 25% off. That's when their story changed, they told us the crib had been back ordered since mid August and we couldn't even order the crib and had to use the 25% off coupon that day! I was furious!! Your daddy on the other hand kept his cool and talked to the manager, darn bit of good that did, he signed the coupon and will let us use it when they can order the crib and told us to keep calling. So we've been calling for at least two weeks and although we could order it through another babies r us or through the crib website we can only use the coupon at our local babies r us that for some reason can't even order the darn crib when every one else can! Daddy finally convinced the manager to put an order through for us last week but the manager says the crib might not be here until after your sister arrives in December!! If we ordered through the crib website it would be here in 4 weeks but we wouldn't get 25% off and would have to pay an addition $150 for shipping! I seriously hate Babies R' Us right now. I just have this over whelming urge to get the nursery all set up and I can't without that darn crib. Sorry to bore you baby girl. I love you with all of my heart minnow. Please watch over your little sister and keep her safe for us.
Love always,
Mommy
I feel guilty today little one. Lately I have really been enjoying being pregnant. As sore and huge as I feel at times I am just so grateful for every moment of it and although I sometimes burst into tears because I have run out of tank tops that fit over my belly and mother nature refuses to let it get cold so I can wear the cute autumn and winter hand me downs from Ruth, Adrianne and Melanie, despite that I still think my big round belly is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I'm happy minnow, and then I realized, exactly one year ago today I found out I was pregnant for the first time, I found out I was pregnant with you Brennan. Today is my mother's birthday and last year I went to the free clinic first thing in the morning after taking a positive at home test and had them run a test, I wanted to be extra certain I was pregnant that day so I could call and tell my mom. She was so happy she cried. I just keep telling myself that you want your daddy and I to be happy. Just because we are happy doesn't mean we have left you behind in any way, we carry you with us always baby girl, you'll always be our first and we will always love you! :-) In other news, I am happy to tell you that all that carb loading paid off! After three icky hours of sitting in a strange waiting room, hunched over the chairs, trying not to barf hot pink glucose punch, I grateful to say that I am gestational diabetes free!! :-). I know having gestational diabetes isn't the end of the world but mommy has quite the sweet tooth lol. Your daddy has been on a mission the past few weeks to get your little sister the perfect crib. It has been quite a battle with our local Babies R' Us! First they told us we could order it and it would be in in 4 weeks, we were going to wait to order it (the thought of ordering it kind of scared me), then we went in and they told us again we could order it and it would be in in 4 weeks but that they were having a buy back sale and if we brought in an old baby item we would get 25% off the crib so we went home and came back the next day with an old swing so we could order it with 25% off. That's when their story changed, they told us the crib had been back ordered since mid August and we couldn't even order the crib and had to use the 25% off coupon that day! I was furious!! Your daddy on the other hand kept his cool and talked to the manager, darn bit of good that did, he signed the coupon and will let us use it when they can order the crib and told us to keep calling. So we've been calling for at least two weeks and although we could order it through another babies r us or through the crib website we can only use the coupon at our local babies r us that for some reason can't even order the darn crib when every one else can! Daddy finally convinced the manager to put an order through for us last week but the manager says the crib might not be here until after your sister arrives in December!! If we ordered through the crib website it would be here in 4 weeks but we wouldn't get 25% off and would have to pay an addition $150 for shipping! I seriously hate Babies R' Us right now. I just have this over whelming urge to get the nursery all set up and I can't without that darn crib. Sorry to bore you baby girl. I love you with all of my heart minnow. Please watch over your little sister and keep her safe for us.
Love always,
Mommy
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| 25 weeks with Guppy |
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| 26 weeks with Guppy |
Monday, September 19, 2011
All Carbed Out
Dear Minnow,
Mommy is having one of those days when no matter how hard she tries she just can't stop worrying about your little sister. She hasn't been kicking as much as usual for the past two days. Her heart rate is 135 which is good and your Auntie Addie keeps telling me not to worry but you know me baby girl. It is just so impossible to let go of my fear, at least in this matter. I just can't go through loosing another child. My one hour glucose test came back a little high, which Resa said could just be because I was a few days shy of 24 weeks when we did the test, but just to be sure she has had me carb loading for the past three days and I have to take the three hour test in the morning. The carb heavy menu I have to follow has me stuffed to the brim and constantly nauseous so I am really hoping that Maura's lack of movement is due to how full my stomach is (I have gastroparesis so my stomach doesn't digest on it's own so everything just sits in there until I take medicine before bed). I literally have to eat 5 pieces of bread, 6 saltines or 4 cookies, 1 cup of rice or noodles, 2 cups of fruit juice, 2 cups of milk or soy milk in my case, cereal, and 1 cup of beans and that is on top of normal meals! That is a whole lot of food! In other news I am loving my new job with the theatre in Baltimore! I wrote a proposal for a partnership and to start satellite classes at a local charter school and the school accepted it and has hired us to run a drama program for them :-). We also have tons of kids signed up for our classes. I just love the rest of the staff there they are so professional and kind. It is a wonderful change to be respected and to feel appreciated! :-) I'm heading up to the theatre tonight to meet with the artistic director and to watch some of rehearsal. Lol your little sister just kicked me :-). I love you baby girl with all of my heart! I promise I will write more later on and tell you all about the consignment sale your daddy and I went to over the weekend. We miss you every second of everyday little one. Please keep Maura Grace safe.
Love always,
Mommy
Mommy is having one of those days when no matter how hard she tries she just can't stop worrying about your little sister. She hasn't been kicking as much as usual for the past two days. Her heart rate is 135 which is good and your Auntie Addie keeps telling me not to worry but you know me baby girl. It is just so impossible to let go of my fear, at least in this matter. I just can't go through loosing another child. My one hour glucose test came back a little high, which Resa said could just be because I was a few days shy of 24 weeks when we did the test, but just to be sure she has had me carb loading for the past three days and I have to take the three hour test in the morning. The carb heavy menu I have to follow has me stuffed to the brim and constantly nauseous so I am really hoping that Maura's lack of movement is due to how full my stomach is (I have gastroparesis so my stomach doesn't digest on it's own so everything just sits in there until I take medicine before bed). I literally have to eat 5 pieces of bread, 6 saltines or 4 cookies, 1 cup of rice or noodles, 2 cups of fruit juice, 2 cups of milk or soy milk in my case, cereal, and 1 cup of beans and that is on top of normal meals! That is a whole lot of food! In other news I am loving my new job with the theatre in Baltimore! I wrote a proposal for a partnership and to start satellite classes at a local charter school and the school accepted it and has hired us to run a drama program for them :-). We also have tons of kids signed up for our classes. I just love the rest of the staff there they are so professional and kind. It is a wonderful change to be respected and to feel appreciated! :-) I'm heading up to the theatre tonight to meet with the artistic director and to watch some of rehearsal. Lol your little sister just kicked me :-). I love you baby girl with all of my heart! I promise I will write more later on and tell you all about the consignment sale your daddy and I went to over the weekend. We miss you every second of everyday little one. Please keep Maura Grace safe.
Love always,
Mommy
Monday, September 12, 2011
Still Catching Up
Dear Minnow,
Hi baby girl. Here goes another attempt to catch you up on the happenings of the past few weeks. Remember I told you how hurricane Irene had uprooted the huge tree in our new backyard? Well the tree had just been leaning with half the roots exposed but on Friday night I was home alone sitting on the couch (your daddy hadn't gotten home from his business trip yet) when I heard a crash and the house shook. Once again the insulation in this house must be darn near sound proof because the crash wasn't very loud, certainly not loud enough to be the entire tree falling and yet it was! I assumed Wrigley had knocked something down upstairs and went upstairs to find him but after not finding anything out of place upstairs I turned on the porch light to find the giant tree laying across the backyard! The tree was taken apart on Sunday, just in time for more torrential rain. Needless to say the backyard is now a mud pit lol. Your daddy made a registry for the guppy over the weekend, I have been meaning to do it for weeks but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Every time we pick up something for your little sister I get so scared that it will end up just sitting in that room unused like the few items I had bought for you. I just keep telling myself that someday there will be a baby in that room even if it means we foster or adopt. I have to go back to Virginia Friday for a three hour glucose test, fun fun, I kind of assumed something was off with the one hour test when my hands started shaking violently and I felt like I was going to pass out about half and hour after the test. I'm really hoping I don't have gestational diabetes, no chocolate for the next three months would stink lol. Your little sister is quite the little mover lol she has been keeping me up all night the past few nights kicking away. Looks like I'll have a night owl on my hands :-). Between her kicking, having to pee every few hours and my big belly, I haven't been sleeping well at all! Daddy finally gave in and ordered me a snoogle pregnancy pillow, your aunt MK says I'd get more sleep if my snoogle and I slept in the bathtub so I don't have to walk as far to pee lol. I've been thinking about you a lot lately little one. I miss you baby girl.
Love always,
Mommy
ps. 24 weeks with little sister guppy
Hi baby girl. Here goes another attempt to catch you up on the happenings of the past few weeks. Remember I told you how hurricane Irene had uprooted the huge tree in our new backyard? Well the tree had just been leaning with half the roots exposed but on Friday night I was home alone sitting on the couch (your daddy hadn't gotten home from his business trip yet) when I heard a crash and the house shook. Once again the insulation in this house must be darn near sound proof because the crash wasn't very loud, certainly not loud enough to be the entire tree falling and yet it was! I assumed Wrigley had knocked something down upstairs and went upstairs to find him but after not finding anything out of place upstairs I turned on the porch light to find the giant tree laying across the backyard! The tree was taken apart on Sunday, just in time for more torrential rain. Needless to say the backyard is now a mud pit lol. Your daddy made a registry for the guppy over the weekend, I have been meaning to do it for weeks but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Every time we pick up something for your little sister I get so scared that it will end up just sitting in that room unused like the few items I had bought for you. I just keep telling myself that someday there will be a baby in that room even if it means we foster or adopt. I have to go back to Virginia Friday for a three hour glucose test, fun fun, I kind of assumed something was off with the one hour test when my hands started shaking violently and I felt like I was going to pass out about half and hour after the test. I'm really hoping I don't have gestational diabetes, no chocolate for the next three months would stink lol. Your little sister is quite the little mover lol she has been keeping me up all night the past few nights kicking away. Looks like I'll have a night owl on my hands :-). Between her kicking, having to pee every few hours and my big belly, I haven't been sleeping well at all! Daddy finally gave in and ordered me a snoogle pregnancy pillow, your aunt MK says I'd get more sleep if my snoogle and I slept in the bathtub so I don't have to walk as far to pee lol. I've been thinking about you a lot lately little one. I miss you baby girl.
Love always,
Mommy
ps. 24 weeks with little sister guppy
Monday, September 5, 2011
Tomorrow
Dear Minnow,
I am happy to say that your daddy and I are now all unpacked and settled in to our new home in Maryland. We spent labor day weekend working our butts off putting everything away and cleaning while your grandma and your auntie MK were up at the lodge. Living with your grandma and little aunt (12 years old) is going to be a bit of a challenge but your grandma is doing her student teaching this year and can really use the extra help. I have to admit it was so nice to not be alone while your daddy was in Saint Louis on business last week. His new job has him traveling at least two days a week, usually over night, thankfully it is just one year, then he will have the outside rep experience he needs to move up and hopefully we will be able to buy a house with the money we have saved from renting a house with your grandma this year :-). We have both decided that we love our new neighborhood and there are so many family friendly activities nearby! My new mission is to make some mommy friends, the only other young moms I know are my friends from the support group in VA and they are amazing! But one can never have too many friends :-). Tomorrow I have my 24 week check up and glucose test with Resa our midwife. I love that she remembers your name baby girl, she doesn't say your first baby, or your last pregnancy, she says when you had Brennan. We really did luck out finding her. I told her that I will cross my legs and keep your little sister inside if another doctor is on duty when I go into labor, I want her hands to be the first my babies feel when they come into this world. I am trying to gain confidence in this pregnancy minnow, I really am trying. Being pregnant again after loosing a baby is like having just gotten out of a really bad relationship, I have to learn to trust again. Your auntie Addie, the doula, said that I have to find a way to trust myself, Maura and God again. She said that it has to happen before I will be ready to give birth, you need confidence to give birth. By the time I went into labor with you Brennan all of my confidence was gone, I knew you were gone, I guess that is why I let them put me under, I just wasn't strong enough. I miss you so much my little minnow. I am trying to be strong and trying not to feel guilty about enjoying this pregnancy. I know you want your daddy and I to be happy. I sat for almost two hours the other night and watched the guppy kicking my belly. I can see when she kicks me now :-) It is the most amazing thing. I am in awe of it. I love you baby girl, I love you and your sister so much.
Love,
Fish
ps. See how big mommy's belly was a couple of weeks ago? (22 weeks) I'll post a current pic soon
I am happy to say that your daddy and I are now all unpacked and settled in to our new home in Maryland. We spent labor day weekend working our butts off putting everything away and cleaning while your grandma and your auntie MK were up at the lodge. Living with your grandma and little aunt (12 years old) is going to be a bit of a challenge but your grandma is doing her student teaching this year and can really use the extra help. I have to admit it was so nice to not be alone while your daddy was in Saint Louis on business last week. His new job has him traveling at least two days a week, usually over night, thankfully it is just one year, then he will have the outside rep experience he needs to move up and hopefully we will be able to buy a house with the money we have saved from renting a house with your grandma this year :-). We have both decided that we love our new neighborhood and there are so many family friendly activities nearby! My new mission is to make some mommy friends, the only other young moms I know are my friends from the support group in VA and they are amazing! But one can never have too many friends :-). Tomorrow I have my 24 week check up and glucose test with Resa our midwife. I love that she remembers your name baby girl, she doesn't say your first baby, or your last pregnancy, she says when you had Brennan. We really did luck out finding her. I told her that I will cross my legs and keep your little sister inside if another doctor is on duty when I go into labor, I want her hands to be the first my babies feel when they come into this world. I am trying to gain confidence in this pregnancy minnow, I really am trying. Being pregnant again after loosing a baby is like having just gotten out of a really bad relationship, I have to learn to trust again. Your auntie Addie, the doula, said that I have to find a way to trust myself, Maura and God again. She said that it has to happen before I will be ready to give birth, you need confidence to give birth. By the time I went into labor with you Brennan all of my confidence was gone, I knew you were gone, I guess that is why I let them put me under, I just wasn't strong enough. I miss you so much my little minnow. I am trying to be strong and trying not to feel guilty about enjoying this pregnancy. I know you want your daddy and I to be happy. I sat for almost two hours the other night and watched the guppy kicking my belly. I can see when she kicks me now :-) It is the most amazing thing. I am in awe of it. I love you baby girl, I love you and your sister so much.
Love,
Fish
ps. See how big mommy's belly was a couple of weeks ago? (22 weeks) I'll post a current pic soon
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