Rhode Island

Dear Minnow,
      Happy New Year little one and welcome to 2011. I am praying that 2011 will be filled with good news for us minnow. We rang in the new year surrounded by family and friends in the smallest state in all the union, mommy's home state of Rhode Island. Daddy and I left on Thursday morning and drove all the way up the East Coast to Newport. The first night we met my friends from the Newport Repertory Theatre (the theatre company mommy acted with in high school) downtown. It was so much fun to catch up with everyone and reminisce about old times. They really shaped me as an actor and director. Friday we spent time with your Mimi (my mother decided that is what she would like you to call her :). She rubbed my belly and talked to you for a while and we cuddled up next to her and looked through old photo albums with your dad, who thought it would be funny to post embarrassing pictures of your auntie Kai, uncle Zak and I on facebook! Needless to say that did not go over well.On Saturday we had our own mini Christmas with Kai, Ian, Zak, Mimi and Meme which was nice and then had dinner with your auntie Spedna and her family. Sunday was really wonderful, we went to the Church mommy grew up in and got to see all of the people who have been praying for you. I told Sonny Carter (Esther's husband) that we are naming you Brennan Esther for Esther Carter, he was so touched and cried tears of joy. We sat and talked about how much we miss Esther for a bit before the service began. It was Communion Sunday and after Communion it is my Church's tradition for everyone to hold hands in the aisle and sing the hymn "Bless be the tied that binds". That was my favorite part of service growing up, looking around the circle and just feeling so loved. Today we are back in Virginia my little minnow. The lab just called and said that they once again have no idea when your test results will come back. I have to admit that upon hearing that I broke down and have been crying and sleeping off and on for the past few hours. I am so tired little one. I am trying to be strong but mommy is so scared that you won't be okay and that we will get more bad news when the test results come in. Today you have been inside me for 18 weeks and 3 days. Is it selfish of me that I do not want to let you go even if your chromosomes are missing information? I keep praying that God will make this decision for me, one way or the other. I pray so deeply though that he will decide to make you my little miracle baby again and make it so that you are not missing any information on your chromosomes. I love you minnow and so does daddy and all of your Rhode Island family. No matter what you have been such a wonderful gift. Everyone is praying for you so hard. Please God send us another miracle.
         love always,
         Fish