A Good Man

Dear Minnow,
   It has been a busy week little one! I had my first rehearsal for Once on This Island on Monday, it feels good to have the ensemble kids back under my wing. I have been teaching many of them for almost three years now, so I think of them as my theatre babys. :-) I recieved two beautiful gifts this week baby girl. I came home on Valentine's day and was missing you so much, just then I saw that Laura at angelbabynames.blogspot had made a picture with your name. It is here on the side of your letters, a graceful mermaid holding a little baby. I couldn't picture holding you minnow, but now I see that picture and it is just so perfect. Juliet told me Friday night that your spirit is a mermaid, mysterious and allusive and so of course you would come back on your own terms in an unbroken body. Laura would have no way of knowing that and yet her picture shows that so beautifully! I am that mermaid holding you baby girl. I will always be holding you and now I can picture it. Thank you Laura so much! Last night I had another melt down. I had only gotten 4 hours of sleep the night before and had been teaching since 7 a.m, between that and more hormones going crazy preparing for my period, I was a mess. I came home and there was a package on the steps from my friends Sara and Kyle in Cali. Sara made us a prayer shall. Each time she worked on it she prayed for you and I minnow. It is so beautiful. I laid on the couch wrapped up in it and cried and prayed. My faith in God has taken such a beating through this. I had been praying that I would feel his presence again and as soon as I wrapped myself in the blanket, I did. Thank you Sara and Kyle, it meant more to me then you will ever know. I love you both!
I had my check up with Resa our midwife on Tuesday. Resa is just wonderful, she is one of the most caring, healing spirits I have ever met and I am so thankful she was with us through all of this. She and I talked about you minnow, it was so hard being back in the same room where we first saw you move and first heard your heartbeat but Resa got me through it like she always does. She said that my first period should come any day now, and from all of the horrible mood swings and pimples I have had this week, it is bound to come soon! She said that after that your daddy and I can start trying for another baby if we want to. That made me realize that I hadn't told you much about your daddy. Your daddy is a good man. There seems to be a stipulation in our society that only men who have important jobs or lots of money, who look like GQ models or serve on the front lines are considered good men. Money and jobs or titles does not make a man good. A good man is one who holds his wife together when she is coming apart at the seams. He wipes her tears when she cries and stands by her when she is feeling pain he can only imagine. He bares the burdens with his partner and carries her load when she cannot. He isn't afraid to buy tampons for you or be caught holding your bright pink purse while you are in the bathroom. He makes you laugh even when you feel like you can't and let's you watch Glee during dinner even though he thinks your a geek for watching it :-) And he loves and misses the daughter he never had a chance to see or touch. Your daddy is a good man Brennan and mommy loves him so much. If your reading this goober, thank you for being such a good man. I love you minnow with all my aching heart.
  Love,
Fish