After Every Storm....

Dear Minnow,
            I am so sorry for not writting lately. As usual things have been very busy and there are so many changes on the horizon for our little family. I can finally say it on here, although your daddy does not want to do the whole facebook annoucement until July but your going to be a big sister Brennan! I am 12 weeks along with a little rainbow baby, a rainbow baby is what us baby loss mamas call a baby due after a loss because after every storm comes a rainbow. This pregnancy has been so different from my pregnancy with you baby girl. I thought I had bad morning sickness with you minnow but this little one seems to be reeking havoc on my belly! I guess it is in part because this little one started out as two little ones. I started bleeding at 5 or 6 weeks but the doctors couldn't figure out why since the baby appeared to be doing fine. Then at 8 weeks Resa my wonderful midwife was able to see an empty sac hidden behind the baby. The doctors keep telling me that 80% of twins "vanish" or don't develope in early pregnancy but I still feel bad that another sibling has joined you in heaven even if I didn't know it was there. We had our end of the first trimester scan last night with Dr. Stern, mommy was so nervous and as I laid there all the memories of your first trimester scan came floading back, how you barely moved and how your poor little jaw was practically not there. That scan was the begining of the end. I cried so hard and could hardly breath as Dr. Stern prepped my belly, but thank the Lord, what we saw on the screen was your little sibling rolling around, kicking his or her feet. And of course Dr. Stern paid extra close attention to the chin, and there it was, a perfectly normal sized chin! I wish you could be here baby girl. I wish you were here with us and able to grow up here with your little brother or sister. Please watch over your sibling my minnow. We have been calling this baby guppy.
      I miss you Brennan, and no one could ever take your place in my heart. I promise there is plenty of room in there for both or I guess all three of my little ones. Oh I finished your blanket! Your auntie Gina is just adding the edging she even embroidered your name and birthday on it :-). I haven't decided if I am going to start one for the guppy. I have to be honest, it has been hard for me to connect with this baby. It just seems too good to be true, I keep expecting this baby to be taken away from me the way you were taken away. I love your my minnow. I will always, always love you!!
              Love always,
          Mommy