Fear

Dear Minnow,
         Today was a hard day little one. I went to the doctors for a check up and ended up having a really horrible anxiety attack or whatever you call it when your ptsd kicks in full force. I kept seeing myself there in that office scheduling appointments for you. I lost it minnow. The poor receptionist must think I am crazy. It took all of my strength not to run out. Thank God for our wonderful midwife Resa, as soon as she saw me she just knew and hugged me and talked me down. I am so grateful to have her in my life and as my doctor. I really wish she could have been the one to deliver you. Not a day goes by that I don't miss you baby girl. I love you with all my heart.
        Love,
 Mommy