What They Don't Tell You..

Dear Minnow,
         Okay this whole third trimester thing is new to me. This pregnancy I knew what to expect from the first two trimesters, I had them down, but this is new territory. I had my 34 week check up with the midwife this week and ending up going in with a huge list of  "is this normal?". Now I frequent the usual parenting websites, thebump, parenting, babble, offbeatmama, babycenter ext., but I have come to the conclusion that they do a pretty piss poor job of accurately describing what your body will go through. Here are my real world translations:

"Morning Sickness"- yes they tell you that it will last all day, but what they don't tell you is that you probably  won't be able to keep your eyes open for more than a few hours at a time. The websites also make it sound like your feel sick, puke your guts out and then feel better.... in all actuality you might puke and feel better for a bit then puke again or in my case I felt sick all day, sick but then would dry heave over the toilet praying I would vomit and get it over with but never puked up anything besides bile.

"Lack of appetite"- yah, wouldn't that be nice, they really should say, you will more than likely be starving all the time, want to and possibly will eat everything in sight but then will immediately regret that decision when your once again hanging over the toilet hoping to puke.

"Heartburn"- that cute little bundle of joy in your belly can and will breath fire for the next 9 months, sometimes I think she is burning a hole in my esophagus. I'm at the bottom of my second jumbo size bottle of tums this pregnancy...I went through a full bottle when I was pregnant with you minnow :-).

"Staying active and eating right will help you avoid excess weight gain"- umm....wrong, just so wrong. Yes you should stay active and eat right that's common sense, but I gained 20 pounds in the two months I was running the summer camp. I was constantly on my feet, running around with the kids and rarely had time to eat the healthy lunches I packed. I was lucky if I got to eat a few crackers and a granola bar during the day let alone if I was still awake to cook dinner. As my midwife told me, your gonna gain what your gonna gain.

"Breast engorgement and darkening of the aureola may occur"- I got a taste of this when I was pregnant with you, I went from an A cup to a C cup, thank goodness your Auntie Gina has a larger chest and came to my rescue with bra's she had outgrown. But that still did not prepare me for the breast changes that happen in the 3rd trimester...I looked in the mirror this morning and realized that I now have Nation Geographic boobs, the kind that are huge and round with nipples so dark they look like they've been painted on...I honestly did not recognize my own boobs, the websites should really warn you about that. *Side note: they also do not warn that after you loose a baby your milk might still let down. I learned that the hard way a few days after I lost you Brennan, looked down to find that I had soaked through my shirt.

"Sciatica"- why don't they just called it a sharp pain or muscle spasm that will randomly make it feel like your butt cheek, low back and back of your thigh is being pierced with a bolt of lightning? I felt it for the first time a few nights ago and literally had the mental image of my butt cheek and back being hit by lightning, reading the description on the website did me no good, it wasn't until I described the feeling to your Auntie Ruthie that I found out it was sciatica.

"Catch up on your sleep in the third trimester"- the third trimester is the first trimester only you feel like a whale and resemble a blimp. You'll be up to pee just as often as you were in the first trimester. I am tired most of the time, nauseous, thankfully not as hungry as the first trimester and ache in whole new places for whole new reasons. Oh, remember pregnancy acne? Yah that will come back and although the first trimester I could shower twice a day and still look like I hadn't washed my hair in a week, currently I could not wash my hair for days and still look like I just blow dried it...the rest of me however would reek! I don't remember any of the websites mentioning night sweats and heat flashes, which are apparently completely normal and have become an every night occurrence for me (hence the needing to get my smelly self into the shower first thing every morning). 

And lastly, although every baby loss website or baby loss mama will tell you that a new pregnancy or new baby isn't a cure all, the scar of loosing a child will always be there, it makes me sad to see so many women posting on regular pregnancy websites about how they just immediately want to get pregnant again. I felt that way too right after loosing you but I thankfully had other women who had been through baby loss already in my life and even though your daddy and I waited a few cycles before trying again, it hit me really hard when I saw that second pink line the first month we tried again. I am so happy to be pregnant again and I cannot wait for the day when I get to meet your little sister, but I still think of you everyday. I love both of you so much! My wonderful daughters. Please watch over your little sister minnow, please keep her safe. I love you with all my heart.
          Love always,
                Fish