Dreaming?

Dear Minnow,
      Mommy's belly has gotten so big little one! When I was pregnant with you I barely showed even right before you were born at 21 weeks. This time around I have been showing for weeks! Look how big my belly is at 16 weeks with guppy.

When I was pregnant with you I was convinced that you were a boy. I even bought you a whole nursery set that I found for super cheap on craigs list that was blue with lighthouses and sailboats because I knew you were going to be a boy. I was so surprised at 12 weeks when the nurse told us that she was pretty certain you were a girl and then again at 13 weeks when the CVS results confirmed that you were a girl not a boy. I remember being so happy that I was going to have a daughter but in the same instance I knew that I was more than likely going to loose my daughter. There is such a special bond between mother's and daughters minnow. It is beautiful but it also ripped me apart at the seams to loose you after forming that bond. Your daddy and I were equally convinced that guppy is a boy. I went on etsy and saved pictures of all of the cute boy nursery decorations and bought a cute little pirate onesie. We were both stunned to find out at guppy's 16 week scan last week that he is actually a she. You have a little sister Brennan and mommy prays that she will stay healthy and join your daddy and I in December. I will be honest minnow, I am having a hard time connecting to your little sister. I thought that having a boy this time around would be easier for me. It would distance this pregnancy from my pregnancy with you. I keep slipping and calling my belly Brennan not the name we have chosen for her which is Maura Grace. I feel guilty when I am happy little one, like I am betraying you and I am still so scared that this daughter too will leave me. I wish you could be here when she is born Brennan. My daughters Brennan Esther and Maura Grace. I love you both so much. Please look after your little sister minnow. Please ask God to keep her safe and healthy and let her live on earth with your daddy and I. I love you minnow with all my heart.
               Love always,
              Mommy